An interview with COLAGE

1: Could you describe your position and a provide brief description of COLAGE?

I am one of the Co-Coordinators of the Colage-DE chapter along with Jolly Bailey. We started this group in April 2009 for kids that have at least one LGBTQ identified parent between the age of 9-12. This kids get together once a month at First and Central in Wilmington. Rev Doug Gerdts has been very supportive of this group and his community has provided a wonderful space for the kids to meet up. There is something very endearing about watching these kids get together and know that this space is free of questions about their families and to know they are not alone. Living in a world that treats our families differently and discriminates against us can be challenging and be quite isolating. This group is a social/support group for these kids.

Colage National is 20 year old group that works to build community and promote social justice through youth empowerment, leadership development, education, and advocacy and has approximately 30 chapters across the country, and more than 20,000 supporters.

We have lots of amazing people who have come out to help this local Delaware group. We currently have 7 facilitators now who volunteer for us and one professor from Widener who serves as the facilitator mentor. What this highly creative and energized group seeks to do together is to attempt to have at least one subject matter that involves the issues around LBGTQ families and then for the rest of the time make their time together alot of fun. So there may be discussions around bullying and how best to handle or how to deal with hearing negative comments about our families. Funny story - for Gay Pride month we talked about prominent historical gay figures and one the kids pondered on this a moment and said; "I bet some cavemen were gay too!!" There is kickball, dodgeball, painting and any other suggestions that the kids may have. The group belongs to the kids - they have their own kid only space and a set of rules and agreements they have decided and signed off on. They decide through voting which activities they would like to do. We average around 12 kids for each meetup with the most being 16 kids so the word is getting out and we are growing.



2: What relevance or significance does COLAGE have to the LGBT community? (I wanted to ask these same 5 questions to every lgbt/lgbt-owned organization in the state... that's why this might feel redundant in regard to COLAGE.)

If a COLAGEr chooses to speak out on issues there is not a more powerful voice to be heard!! These kids have a perspective that is unique and in the media whenever there are discussions of LGBTQ parents, same-sex relationships or marriage it is inevitable that the question, "But what about the children?" will be raised. COLAGE is committed to promoting the voices of youth and adults with lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender parents as a response to this question and to promote the visibility of those of us with the unique experience of having one or more LGBT parent. COLAGE National and the members of the Speak OUT program are a powerful antidote to homophobia, transphobia and intolerance as use their voices and experiences to raise awareness about the real experiences of people with LGBTQ parents and counter the attempts to invalidate, demean, or attack our families.

3: Why did you decide to join COLAGE?

There was a core group of this age group that had grown up doing events through DE family Pride and they were not as interested in Santa or Easter Bunny events as they got older. Colage was the natural next step to keeping these kids connected and providing support as they get older and may run into issues in middle school. We hope in the future to expand the age group to include all ages. There is an adult group just starting as well for folks over the age of 21. Stay tuned on this one...

4: Is there something that the public often misconstrues about COLAGE?

We as LGBTQ individuals have struggled – on many issues and will continue to have challenges as a people as long as the community in which we live is less than supportive of who we are; and our families. However, our struggles are not necessarily our kid’s struggles. Many of these kids are not LGBT themselves (some are "2nd generation" , which is a term our LGBTQ kids use to identify themselves). Their struggles are not our struggles for they have their own. And they do not have to champion our struggles – being a COLAGEr does not mean they have to be politically active. Some are - some are not. That does not mean they do not love us or support us in other ways.

A wise COLAGEr from the New York City chapter sent me a poem that makes this point. At Family Week COLAGE has day camp for the kids and they used to sing in Provincetown to close the week. The song is from a poem by Kahlil Gibran that was converted into a song by Sweet Honey & the Rock that I included below.


Childen


Your Children, are not your children,
they are the sons and the daughters
of life's longing for itself
they come through you, but they are not from you
and although they are with you, they belong not to you.
You can give them your love but not your thoughts
they have their own thoughts, they have their own thoughts
you can house their bodies but not their souls
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.


5: Tell me one thing you know about COLAGE that I wouldn't be able to find on the website?

COLAGErs are brave and inspiring. They love their families but they need their own private COLAGErs only space - it is part of the foundation of the group. They need a space where they don’t have to explain their family – where they can just be. One teen Colager shared that when they arrived at the North East COLAGE Chapter event in January they felt like they could truly breathe when the arrived. They need people around them to hear their stories when they can’t or choose not talk at home. They need to know they are not alone and isolated.

It is hard to be a Colager in this world. Our children don’t have to justify why they need Colager space – they just do.


Special thanks to Mary Tipping from COLAGE for her participation and wealth of information.

You may contact COLAGE via their Facebook page: Facebook.com/COLAGE